I Didn’t Become A Pro Soccer Player, I Became A Better Me
The days and weeks following the night I got arrested for drinking and driving I was going through the motions, feeling anxious about the consequences I was going to face in the foreseeable future, and without a single clue of what the path forward looked like for me. If I was not working, I was at home, laying on the couch watching videos on the internet all day, until one day I came across “Become Elite”, a YouTube channel that basically gave me hope and truly inspired me. Matt Sheldon, the owner of this channel, who coincidentally was the same age as me, had recently dropped out of college in his last semester of senior year to pursue a professional soccer career, and he documented his journey through weekly vlogs.
While watching one of the videos I heard the concept of “behaving as a professional until you become one.” This profoundly resonated with me and sparked my curiosity. I wondered how far I could get if I adopted the behaviors of a professional soccer player right in the moment I was living. I asked myself, “How can I use this painful experience to prove to myself that I am better?”, “How can I turn this into something that served me to reach my fullest potential?” I thought I could explore the answers to these questions through soccer - the sport I was passionate about and had given up on when my collegiate career ended. I had dreamed of becoming a professional soccer player ever since I started playing as a little kid.
Matt’s relentlessness and discipline were attributes that I admired, and I thought I could mimic in my own journey to compete in soccer again. One of the major reasons I was discouraged from seeking a career in soccer was that by the time I had graduated college, I was 22 years old and already “too old” to compete at a high level. Watching Matt’s videos showed that I was completely wrong. He was a clear example that it was possible to compete at a high level if I was willing to put in the work. The thought of climbing up from the pit I found myself in - through consistent and focused effort - and experiencing what was possible, fired me up and gave me the incentive to start believing in myself.
Regardless of any circumstances, I believe it’s important to have perspective and know that every challenge, setback, or adversity can lead one to grow into a more resilient human being and enable one to create opportunities by changing one’s way of living.
Having accepted my current situation, feeling a strong urge to redeem myself, and certain that I could endure the hard season I was in, I chose to use the huge mistake I had made as motivation to work towards an audacious goal. Consequently, I committed to making the necessary sacrifices to change the trajectory of my life, which meant starting to not only train hard, but also behave as a professional, even though I was far from being one. I had to begin aligning my habits to the goal I had set out to accomplish, and on that journey - day after day - my life would begin to transform. Managing a full-time job, an on-going DUI case, all while training to become a professional soccer player seemed beyond challenging and at the same time exciting. Uncertain whether I would lose my job, looking for an attorney to represent me in court, trying to sort out a financial plan to cover the hefty costs of my DUI case, I went on Google one night and searched professional soccer tryouts and just like that an amazing journey had begun.
I researched quite extensively for open soccer showcases. I found two agencies that hold tryouts throughout the US, where scouts from lower league professional teams in Europe and the US are invited to attend. I had no idea that this type of event even existed, and I was thrilled to learn about it. All I had to do was find the next event dates, pick one that was nearest to my location, and pay a registration fee. At the time it was October 2016, I found a showcase that was taking place in July 2017 in New York, and I immediately signed up for it. A day had been set on the calendar and I had about 8 months to get in the best shape possible. Aware that it wouldn’t be easy, it was time to start walking towards the shine of light that I saw in the darkness and see how my life could turn around for the better.
With a goal on the horizon and an action plan in mind, it was time for the hardest part, which was to execute. This is what would ultimately allow me to make progress and change my life as a result. Unknowingly I had put into practice the concept of Awareness, Intention, and Action, which I learned about years later listening to the “Chasing Excellence” podcast – hosted by Ben Bergeron (founder of CrossFit New England) and Brian Cummings. This notion gave me the perspective that it is often easy to fall into “autopilot” and live each day unconscious of one’s decisions and habits hindering growth and evolution.
Deeply inspired by the videos I watched on the Become Elite channel, I acted on my curiosity, set up a training plan in my mind and put it into effect the next morning by getting up at 5am to go to the gym. My training in the months leading to the soccer showcase included drills with the ball and cardio at the soccer field, weightlifting at the gym, and playing pickup games as much as possible. By staying consistent with it, I noticed I was getting fitter each week and this kept me from putting myself in situations that did not serve me. Also, I slowly gained a better outlook on where my time and attention needed to be focused. As time passed, the people I had associated myself with, the habits that did not align with who I was and who I was aspiring to become, and my interests gradually shifted. I began to look inward, I faced my insecurities and turned to spirituality, which promoted a slow and progressive journey of internal healing.
The day of the soccer showcase finally came – I felt fit, prepared, and confident in the work I had done to give myself the chance to perform well. I was a bit nervous but didn’t feel any pressure, as I went into it without high expectation of getting noticed for an invitation to join a team. I remained aware of the fact that I was one of about two hundred players in the event, with skill levels ranging from beginner all the way to professional. It was a needle in a haystack situation and all odds were against me; however, the curiosity about the possibilities that could arise as a result of seeing the experience through kept me amped up. For me success was not really measured by any sort of outcome at the end of the three-day tryout. Whether my performance stood out to any of the scouts watching or not didn’t matter as much, for I had already been winning all along. During the days, weeks and months of preparation for the event, I started maturing into a better version of myself, and my life had begun to change in ways I never expected.
This three-day experience is one that I will always cherish and look fondly on, for it was one that I deeply enjoyed. It served as evidence that committing to choosing the hard right over the easy wrong daily, in accordance with one’s true values, can yield a great sense of fulfillment and freedom. Each of the three hot summer days I completely immersed myself in driving an hour and a half to and from New York, playing soccer for 2 hours, and recovering through hydration, nutrition, and rest. I lived each day in the most professional way I knew, and aware of where I was coming from, I went on the pitch every time feeling emotionally light, at peace, grateful, and expressed myself through the sport that I had always been so passionate about. The sport that in the moment I needed the most gave me a sense of purpose, enabling me to gradually change and evolve from within.
I ended the three-day tryout feeling physically fit, happy to have competed again after a long time, and satisfied with the effort I had put out on the field. Walking off the pitch at the end of the last session and on the long drive back home I felt reassured that whatever the outcome of the showcase may have been, I would continue looking for opportunities in pursuit of a professional soccer career. About a week later, I was on lunch break at work and had just finished eating. As I cleaned up and was getting ready to head back to my desk, I heard my phone’s notification ding. I had gotten an email from the agency that hosted the soccer showcase. I immediately opened it to find out that I was not selected to directly join a team, nor have a trial with a team; however, I was chosen to be a part of an extended 10-day tryout in Europe in two months’ time.
Reading that email and realizing the opportunity that I had created through my own efforts and sacrifices gave me chills and I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude. It showed me that one can reinvent oneself and become more resilient as a result of enduring adversity. There was no doubt in my mind that I was on the right path and felt more determined than ever to continue seeking to cultivate habits that would facilitate growth, not only in terms of physical performance but also mental and emotional health. I looked back at the person I was a few months earlier and recognized the drastic changes I was experiencing, which gave me hope and I could not be more inspired to prove to myself what I was truly capable of all along. I saw the European showcase opportunity as the next door I had to walk towards to see through the possibilities that awaited on the other side. Therefore, I immediately decided to accept the invitation to participate.
Over the two summer months preceding my first trip to Europe - specifically Denmark - I remained consistent with training and getting as game fit as I possibly could. I had joined a team with some acquaintances, which played in an amateur adult soccer league every Sunday. For the most part, I was either doing technical and cardiovascular work on the field by myself, or strength training in the gym. All the effort I was putting in had purpose and day after day I kept laying bricks to build a more solid foundation to improve upon. I didn’t know it at the time but looking back I realized that having the courage to act on my curiosity, as well as a deep desire for a better life, despite all the uncertainty I was facing then, is what led me to continually make progress in all areas of my life.
The opportunity that was presented to me was one I could not imagine having less than a year prior since I had settled for a life that did not include soccer. Although I worked hard and had made tremendous progress in living a more intentional life, there was an internal battle with feeling tempted at times to fall back into my old habits, which would have likely caused me to make wrong decisions. Deep inside I was still highly insecure and sought external validation from others. Though less frequently, I continued giving into pleasurable distractions such as drinking alcohol. I was healing and gaining a better perspective, but quite slowly.
The time to travel to Denmark for the soccer showcase had come and I was stoked. Similarly to the time of the initial tryouts, I felt confident in my abilities to perform well, but wasn’t naive to the fact that I was still far from playing at a professional level. I didn’t have high expectations and all I really cared about was living the experience to the fullest, giving my best to it, and seeing where it could lead me. Most importantly, I was excited to see what I could learn from it and in what ways it would allow me to grow as a person. In the entire journey from getting a DUI to this moment in time, I began to see that there is true power in implementing daily habits that support the identity one tries to create for oneself. The fact that I had significantly reduced my alcohol consumption, started focusing more on nutrition, exercised daily, dedicated time to strengthen my spiritual relationship with God, and practiced more self-reflection, reinforced the healthier and more mature version of the human being I was aspiring to become. It was all for the long term and independent of any level of success I could have achieved as a soccer player.
Arriving at Billund Airport in Denmark, meeting up with a group of strangers who became my teammates for the next ten days, jumping on a team bus to go to the residence and training grounds, all felt surreal to me. I had the perception that I was getting another chance to make a dream become a reality. The idea that had deeply resonated with me - of acting as a professional until you become one - was somewhat coming to fruition, since I was effectively living in a professional environment. I was confident that I was on the right track and all I wanted was to stay on this path while continually making progress.
The 10 days spent in soccer camp were intense and I loved every moment of it. The team was assembled out of players who participated in different tryouts around the US, like the one I went to in New York. We all had talent and the potential to make the jump to a professional team but were not quite there, hence training as a team and competing in three games against professional opposition was a true test of our abilities to perform at a high level. Training began on the very afternoon the day we all arrived, and our first game was within the next forty-eight hours. Every day we either had a training session or played a game, and essentially got a real taste of a professional athlete’s lifestyle.
Coaches and the staff were not only evaluating performances on the field, but also the behaviors of players off the field, which is a huge part of being a professional. Despite the demanding schedule of training and games, time off for recovery and leisure were part of the experience as well. It was during such periods of down time that my internal battle with low self-esteem resurfaced, and I certainly felt conflicted. I tried to be someone that I was not, sought to fit in and be part of a group of players who enjoyed partying, which eventually led me in the wrong direction once again. Instead of making the wiser choice of resting and recovering, I chose to go out one night, drank heavily, smoked cigarettes, and got back to the residence around 4am. On another occasion, when the team was taken on a day trip to a popular spot and given the chance to explore, I wandered off with a crew that experienced the culture through bar crawling and drinking at a big festival taking place downtown.
On the last day of the soccer camp, I was called in by the director of the event and head coach for a feedback session. Going into it I was honest with myself and knew that I was far from the level I was trying to reach, and I still had a lot of work to do, not only to improve my technical, tactical, and physical skills as a player but especially in the mental and emotional aspects. Although I was content with my performances, I would have been shocked to learn that I stood out and a professional opportunity had opened for me. Effectively, I was told that I demonstrated a solid level of skill at times but lacked consistency and needed to continue to develop into a better player. I took the feedback with gratitude, an open mind, and a positive attitude; understanding that I still had much to improve on, and that the overall experience served as an indicator of what it really takes to compete at a higher level. At one point in the meeting, when given the opportunity to provide my thoughts on the feedback I received, as well as on the overall execution of the camp, I decided to express where I had come from by sharing my DUI story. Whether or not this was appropriate and in my best interest - given the context of the conversation - I would never know. In retrospect, I appreciated having had the courage to be vulnerable and convey the fact that I was there not only seeking an opportunity to become a professional soccer player, but to grow as a person overall.
Reflecting on having lived such an amazing experience in Denmark gave me an immense sense of gratitude. One of the most important takeaways was that it served a transcendental purpose for my life. It meant so much more than another shot at my dream. It was only the first checkpoint in the long transformational journey I had begun nearly one year prior. It taught me that there is far more value in seeking to endure a self-maturing process than to achieve a particular outcome. In fact, it became the steppingstone to the number of ambitious goals I had committed to since getting a DUI and in the years that followed, all of which facilitated invaluable growth and transformation in my life.